Katsumi's random words

Another year is upon me. I age once again in 10 days… And the Avengers comes out the day before… I have no idea what I’m going to do on my birthday, and as much as I want to see the movie on opening day, I don’t think I can make it… unless I can talk one of my friends into taking me… But knowing me, that won’t happen. And I will probably be working on that day. I have been without a job so long… Since Feb. It’s been difficult. But I made it so far, why not continue on and not do anything stupid like kill myself… Although, I can’t think of anyway to do it that would force people to remember it. Something drastic and seemingly non dangerous so whenever people go to do it, they remember that I died that way… I will be imposing in their life from beyond the grave!! Nah. Finding a way to assassinate myself is to time consuming. Then actually going through it will bring about to many problems. I rather just… “deal” with my problems like I have been.

I admit… I’m trying to change how I treat people I don’t particularly like… Normally, I’d say something extremely rude. But people piss me off so easily… Right now… I can’t even say anything right now… I’ll say write something later…

The woman that I call my mother, she is killing herself. Maybe I’m not as weak as I once thought. Especially if my own mother turned to drug and refuses to go to rehab. Why? Seeing how’s she’s older and has more life experiences than me, why is it that she turned to drugs and I didn’t? Surely being younger and less experienced, i would turn to drugs. Surely she knows how drugs can destroy your life. Yet instead of trying to do something about it, she continues although it pushes her family further away. Dad is thinking about leaving her… and honestly, I don’t blame him. Surely after so long he could get through to her. Surely she would listen. That man has put up with a lot. He use to drink heavily, but high blood pressure stopped that. Now he smokes. And I don’t mean cigarettes. Now, looking back, its easy to see how one could get high blood pressure. I have more respect for the man who took care of five people. Gave his all. Disciplined his kids, taught them and showed then things. Tried to make sure that we didn’t end up like him or mom. I don’t have respect for the woman who did naught. And instead of doing things to get us back, went to drugs. She cries because she didn’t get to raise her own kids but turns her back, maybe unknowingly, on the family she still have. If she don’t try to get better, I will not put up with it and forgo any relationship we might have. I have my own problems to deal with. Problems that I don’t want to face. I need a confidant. One i can talk to about anything. But I can’t get one. For the people trained to do such a thing, I don’t trust and those I do trust I make the mistake of getting to know them, thus rendering myself unable to burden them with my own problems. It hurt my feelings that my friend brought me something to eat… Roughly forced me. Which is one way to get me to accept it.

Today was different. Normally, I’ve really done nothing. But today, I walked to a friend’s house. Left Abby to rest at home. Played the game with him. Played Zombies (Black Ops), played 2k12, and played Guitars Hero, which I managed to fail out. Oh yea, and Rock Band 2… I only failed cause his tv sucked at calibrating. Then as I was leaving his house, my old boss asked me to do her a favor. One that could get her in trouble with her boss… After all that, I ended up help close the store… Amazing.

Out of nowhere, I was place on a “battlefield.” The reason for the quotes is because there were civilians on this “battlefield.” I, of course, was a sniper for my team. But I was on the ground searching for a possible crow’s nest. As I looked around, I saw people running around and hiding and shooting. But the civilians I was around acted as if they didn’t notice it. There were five. All teenagers. My guess is that whatever they were talking about was more important. As I was looking around I saw a tower behind me. And up on that tower, lying down, was an enemy sniper. I always bragged about my eyesight and this is why. I wasn’t using any visual aids and when he stood up, he was no bigger than my pinky finger. That far up. I guess I was in his blind spot for he never shot at me. So, me being me, laid down and lined up my shot. I was set and he wouldn’t see it coming. But then to my dismay, one of the teenagers broke off from his group brandishing handgun and started shooting at the guy on the tower. He missed which of course alerted the guy that he was spotted and moved, which in turn, screwed up my shoot to hell. He first stood up, and then ran. Not something I’d do, making myself a bigger target, but he got away with it. Well almost. Since my sniper rifle was of no use now, I switched it with the assault rifle on my back and rand towards the tower. Of course it’s to east if he was the only one, so I ran into three other I quickly dispatched… then I woke up. SO MAD….

You know, I wonder about my psyche after every odd dream I remember. They say that dreams are your mind’s way of dealing with things or telling your conscious self something it needs to know. If this is true, somebody tell me what these mean.

       I was living with four other people. All friends but only saw three of them. I just knew the last one lived there as well. They were all elsewhere in the house. I was out at the car removing stuff when I was stung on the foot by something. At once, I suffered an allergic reaction. My feet swelled three times its width and doubled its height. The length didn’t change much. With the swelling came discoloration. The yellow of what could be puss mixed with the red of blood making a sickening color. Because I’ve never suffered an allergic reaction, I had no idea what to do. Immediately I ran toward the house screaming for its residents. No one answered the call. Making me freak out all the more. In the span of ten minutes, the swelling disappeared and there wasn’t even a sign of the being there. No even an injection site where the “thing” stung me. Since there wasn’t a mark, when my friends finally made an appearance, they didn’t believe me. By this time I was pissed. Two of my friends responded by thinking it over and realizing that this isn’t something I’d lie about. Only one wasn’t convinced. She edged me on with a smile glued to her face. This in turn only angered me more. Getting in her face, I told her multiple times that I wasn’t lying. My normal reaction to someone calling me a liar is saying either; “Why would I lie to you?” or “I told you the truth, you can believe me or not. That’s up to you.” But having been fearful for my life a mere ten minutes ago and her constant smiling and insisting that I was lying, I was anything but normal. I didn’t know what to say… and I ended up striking her out of anger. And no one did a thing. Even after I missed the first two times and it was obvious what I was doing. Well almost nothing. She threatened to call the cops. Sadly, I awoke before they made it.